The Pashtun Problem

On August 18^th 2009 Asma Jahangir, then chair of the Human Rights Commission of Pakistan, met with the US mission in Pakistan to brief them about an HRCP report. The report alleged that Pakistani military had engaged in public, extrajudicial killings of suspected Taliban & Taliban sympathisers in the Malakand Division, even referencing mass graves.

Jahangir confided in the US mission however that the more inflammatory incidents of abuse had been ignored by the HRCP so as to avoid arming the Taliban’s propaganda machine. She then asserted that the HRCP would have tried to downplay the abuse allegations if the military had used the “usual tactic” of extrajudicial murders; staged encounter.

A staged encounter is when security forces kill a suspect in custody and then claim he died in an exchange of fire with them, an “encounter”. Such as the one Rao Anwar conducted to murder “Taliban” Naqeeb Mehsud.

This Faustian bargain is at the heart of the trouble brewingin Islamabad right now. To understand the Pashtun grievance, and the ongoing protest, one has to examine how the war against Taliban has unfolded in the last decade, and how it has been covered.

The Tehreek-e-Taliban Pakistan systemically targeted and eliminated tribal leaders within FATA, establishing their control over the region but also robbing it of leadership and voices that could represent the people there. The Pashtun nationalist party ANP was next on their hit list. They lost many workers and leaders to targeted attacks, Bashir Bilour the most notable among them. Their coalition partners in the KP & Federal government at the time, PPP, of course lost Benazir Bhutto to a terrorist attack.

This meant that when the military operations took place, there was no Pashtun leadership from FATA to protest or identify any abuses and/or profiling that occurred. The Pashtun nationalist party, ANP, & the PPP for that matter, had themselves suffered at the hands of TTP and pushed for military action. Little interest was shown in keeping the military in check.

Rights watchdogs, activists & liberal sections of the press were already willing to back abuses against the population of FATA, which happened to be largely Pashtun, if it meant ridding the country of Taliban. The HRCP’s willingness to downplay extrajudicial murders is only one example of steps taken which, coupled with the appalling state of journalism in the country, presented a distorted image of the war to mainstream Pakistan. One which was completely void of any abuses that the, again largely Pashtun population, suffered at the hands of the state.

The easily identifiable bits are the support for drone strikes & military bombings inside FATA, and the framing of opposition to them as being pro-Taliban. Yet there are other ways of shaping discourse.

Treatment & plight of the Pashtun IDPs, which numbered in millions, never could wade into the national conversation. The missing persons issue has largely been linked with Baloch separatists and is reported in that context. The number of Baloch missing persons cases HRCP could confirm in 2012 is 198, whereas the number of missing person court cases in PHC alone, in the same year, were over 2000. It’s an epidemic for Pashtuns, and it is never in the news.

Then there’s the misreporting about casualties. Over and over completely fabricated figures for the number of people killed by TTP are published. Pakistan Institute of Peace Studies compile the actual numbers by tallying the count from each reported attack in their yearly security reports. As of 1^st January 2018, 22,048 people have lost their lives in violent terrorist attacks. This includes lives lost in sectarian & separatist (Baloch) violence, not just the TTP. Yet you hear 45 thousand, 55 thousand, 60 thousand. A fetish for increasing the death count plagues our media. This is to drum up support for the war, to do what is “necessary”.

What is necessary here is military bombings, profiling and extrajudicial killings of suspected Taliban. For which there are no figures. There is no telling how many have lost their lives in bombings or encounters/custodial killings. Even though we know all that has happened, some cases are detailed in Amnesty International report “Hands of Cruelty”.

This comes back again to the necessity of dealing with the Taliban, and the firm belief of our military, rights watchdogs and the press that any information that could hinder that goal should not be shared with the public. The problem with extrajudicial killings in this war however, as it is constructed now, is that the murder you condone is of a “suspected” Taliban, but a confirmed Pashtun.

A Naqeeb Mehsud.

Karachi is where the line has been crossed from “necessary” evil to clear ethnically, politically biased crime against Pashtuns. The demonisation of Pashtuns in the city was started by the terrorist Altaf Hussain and MQM, who had a political interest in doing so and a history of profiting from ethnic hate. Much like when Trump banned Syrian refugees by linking them with “Muslim” terrorists, Altaf Hussain railed against the “Talibanisation” of Karachi by FATA refugees for years.

The difference was that unlike in the case of Trump, the press here were in the corner of Altaf Hussain. Another difference was that Altaf himself is a terrorist and the MQM, not the TTP, and certainly not the Pashtun refugees, are the biggest threat to peace in Karachi.

According to the Police, by end of 2011 alone over 7,000 people had been killed in ethno-political violence in the city. “Ethno-political” is code for MQM & PPP, who the press aren’t at liberty to identify. By the end of the same year the number of people killed in “terrorist” - TTP, AQ, LeJ - attacks in the city was 720.

It is true that TTP militants did find their way into Karachi and established operations there, but the first target killing credited to TTP came in the August of 2012, an ANP leader Amir Sardar. The results of the Karachi operation launched in 2013 show that they remained small players in that respect.

According to a Rangers briefing about the operation in Aug of 2016, they were able to fix responsibility for 7,224 target killings in the city. Only 557 killings were traced back to members of banned organisations; TTP, LeJ, AQ.

5,863 killings were traced back to members of the MQM.

Yet it is young Pashtun men that are bearing the brunt of extrajudicial killings in the name of fighting terrorism. Extrajudicial murders in 2014 were 925, and in 2015 were 700 in Karachi. Naqeeb is just one of 450 killed, majority Pashtuns, by Rao Anwar alone. MQM members, according to party claims, that have been lost to extrajudicial killings stands at 62.

You have to be dishonest to not see the contrast here. One organisation has gotten away with murder, with collusion or condoning by rights groups & the press, because they claim to represent an ethnic group.

One ethnic group has suffered at the hands of the state, with collusion or condoning by rights groups & the press, for the crimes of an organisation that doesn’t represent them. It is not difficult to see why the media is as uninterested as it is in covering the Islamabad sit in.

Human Cockroaches

This is just unending, pathetic diversion from mass murder.

In the golden period between 2008-2013, every other month, often week, the killings in Karachi would “get out of hand”, as one gent put it. Rehman Malik would fly to the city and hold talks with MQM. Everyone was supposed to pretend that after he “redressed” MQM’s concerns, the lull in killings was because the killers had their favourite show on, went out to get sushi, or in one memorable instance, the wives and girlfriends that were doing the killing had seen the light.

In any case, MQM and their supporters in what goes for journalism in this country would throw in a “hum pay jinnahpur ka ilzam lagaya gaya tha”, or “people up north don’t understand Karachi” just to keep everyone quiet.

Then came Zulfiqar Mirza, he didn’t keep quiet. Again we would hear “pehle bhi jinnahpur” or “people outside Karachi don’t understand”.

Then came the SC judgement that MQM, ANP and PPP indeed were killing people. “Jinnahpur”. “Prejudice up north”

The last year or so the following has happened. MQM London members admitted to police there that they take money from Indian intel. Then the MQM golden boy Mayor told everyone who would listen the same.

Couple of days is it now since Altaf Hussain ordered an attack on the media after denouncing Pakistan? Yesterday Altaf and the MQM rabita committee expressed their firm resolve to undo the country and launch a rebellion with the help of Israel and India.

What is the response? A garbage anecdotal piece on people outside Karachi being prejudiced against it? The irony of ascribing negative stereotypes to a whole people, based on your personal experiences with a few, as a means to decry negative stereotyping is just completely lost on the largely Karachi based journalists lapping it up.

For almost a decade now debate on MQM’s mass killing gets shut down over and over through this excuse, that people outside Karachi don’t understand, that they are prejudiced, that they shouldn’t speak.  

Just one man who hasn’t stepped foot in Karachi since the turn of the century can speak about it, this one.

MQM MNA & owner of Bori-yani of the Seas learning new torture techniques & bheja cooking recipe from Altaf Hussain. pic.twitter.com/KIXnewuylj

— Altaf B. (@AltafBe) August 23, 2016

The description of that tweet isn’t off at all. Altaf Hussain literally tells his followers to hammer nails into their opponents, not to shoot them because it wouldn’t be painful enough, instead to smash open their skulls and feed the brains to dogs.

Hear that one more time. He wants opponents to not be shot because that wouldn’t be painful enough. Instead to hammer nails in them, smash open their skulls and feed the brain to dogs.

This is the man that should speak, not you. These nail hammering, skull cracking orders are the tactics Dawn and journalists in Karachi at most call “strong arm”. This is the freedom of speech Asma Jehangir is fighting a court battle to restore.

Not yours though. You don’t know how it is.

 The narratives are so completely false and wilfully dishonest it leaves you awestruck. They’re created just for a single purpose, divert from the mass murdering of MQM. Thousands of people have been killed and a madman is ready to plunge the city into more violence; “2 guys in my office said this to me”...  What!?

What? What is that? Why doesn’t that come up when they shoot an elderly woman in the face for protesting rigging? Or when people decry extortion? Or when ramzan turns into a bloodbath? Why do these narratives only spring up when MQM is in trouble? How did they even come into being?

Consider a current one, MQM is marginalized. If you ask how, you get a retelling of 47 to 85. Stopping at 85 because every dictator since has had their back. ISI helped them rig an election. Musharraf handed them the city, let them kill off every policeman they had complaints against and, I am fairly certain, assumed the small spoon position in bed.

So how is it marginalized now? How is it persecuted by the establishment of all fucking things? There are many persecuted people in Pakistan, denied their rights. The Baloch can argue a denial of education, of resources etc. The peasants in Okara are agitating for land rights. Religious minorities can claim neglect.

In 2013 when the current operation started, what were the rights MQM was fighting for? And against who?

It was the right to kidnap, the right to street crime, the right to “china cutting”, the right to extort, the right to kill people who refuse extortion, the right to kill members of other parties, the right to kill immigrants of unwanted ethnicities, the right to kill relatives of the people they had killed to dissuade from pursuing the matter, the right to kill witnesses if the matter did make it to court, the right to kill police investigating cases or giving protection to witnesses and the right to kill journalists for favourable coverage. Oh, also, after doing all this, the right to have a peaceful life with their families while drawing salary from government offices they had never been to.

These rights are not guaranteed in our constitution, in any constitution anywhere in the world. They are frankly a little unreasonable. And who were they fighting against for these rights? PPP and ANP and ST and so on and so forth. The hell was the issue with the state?

By 2012 the target killings in Karachi had claimed 8 thousand lives. The current figure is anywhere between 10 to 13K. This is the scale of the violence, just these last 8 years, not the 90s. To put that into perspective, consider that suicide bombings throughout Pakistan’s history have claimed 6.5K lives.

The state’s reaction to that violence, egged on and cheered by every journalists providing cover to mass murder in Karachi, has been sustained military operations. Aerial bombardments, artillery shelling, gunships letting loose in bazaars, the complete destruction of whole city centres, villages raised to the ground, millions of people made to leave their lives and homes behind to become refugees in their own country. How many of them lost their lives we will never know because journalists in Pakistan don’t believe in outdated concepts such as reporting.

In Karachi the state’s reaction is paramilitary raiding MQM headquarters to arrest convicted, convicted, target killers housed there.

How is that persecution!?

Nor does it stop there. The operation in Karachi has again been falsely built up by journalists sympathetic to MQM’s mass murder as just against the party. Nothing could be further from the truth. MQM is the most untouched out of all the violent actors in Karachi during this operation, despite being the largest armed group present there with the lengthiest history of murder.

The worst aspect of the Karachi op is the extrajudicial killings. Two months ago MQM claimed 56 of its members had been killed without trial since 2013. Yesterday in a talk show one MQM member claimed the number is now 62. MQM claim, not verified by any independent body.

62.

The number of people killed in extrajudicial killings in Karachi, according to HRCP, is 404. 404. This year. In 2015 it was 507 and in 2014 it was 925.

In all 3 years, 1836 people have fallen to extrajudicial killings by LEAs in Karachi.

Of them, by MQM’s own unverified claim as of yesterday, 62 belonged to MQM.

That is 200 less than the number of Police and Rangers, the “persecutors” that have been killed in just the first two years of the operation.

62 out of 1836.

That means 03.37 % of the extrajudicial killings in the city of Karachi in the last 3 years have been of MQM members.

How again is that being singled out for persecution? How is the operation being used just to target MQM?  Their supporters basically just make shit up out of thin air to keep the killing machine rolling.

The establishment doesn’t persecute MQM, that hasn’t been their history. That isn’t happening now. MQM falls foul of political governments and thrives under military rule. The most army is trying to do with the MQM is to wean it away from the drunkard in London because he’s become a liability.

The journalists and intelligentsia love MQM because its “values” align with their own; it fits the kind of country they want to see. Mass murder across 3 decades is small price to pay for politics of your liking.

What of the other 1836 killed in the operation? What of the thousands and thousands that have lost their lives since 2007 in Karachi? Nothing. You never hear a “you don’t understand Karachi” piece for them. That is only reserved for MQM. The pain of journalists and newspapers is only reserved for MQM.

The poor people in Karachi that die at the hands of MQM or at the hands of the state should now accept the fact that they are just little cockroaches in the grand scheme of things. That’s how they are toyed with, cut up and thrown away; like insects. For no good reason at all. Except that it was their misfortune to not be born in liberal, progressive MQM households. So now their fate is to die.

They have to die so the military can keep its pet hounds another decade, they have to die so MQM members get over their sense of marginalization, they have to die so Asma Jehangir can restore freedom of speech, and they have to die so DAWN can see the progressive politics it has overlooked 3 decades of mass murder for.

That’s what cockroaches are for, dying.

And if you aren’t okay with that, or with MQM getting away with mass murder over and over again, then you are just a prejudiced outsider.

P.S:

The combined journo-military project to present an institutional killing machine as having a “non-criminal, non-militant” wing has gone off to a fabulous start. Since Ajmal Pahari wasn’t available, they have got the next best thing to be mayor of Karachi.

Waseem Akhtar once called a judge into his office and had him quash criminal cases against 5000, that is five thousand, MQM criminals in one go. Normally in Sohail Warriach’s “Aik Din Geo Ke Saath” the guests speak about the food they like, or what they do in their leisure time. Waseem Akhtar’s question was about which weapons has he used. Alhumdulillah, he replied in the positive to everything from a T.T. pistol to an AK47.

Now the Home Minister of 12^th May and the man who armed MQM to the teeth in Mush era, you’re all welcome, will head the rebranded “political/Pakistan” wing of the party.

Expect more cockroaches to die.

Supporting mass murder

Mumtaz Qadri’s execution on 29^th February was a net positive. For once the judicial system delivered and he was held accountable for his crime. It shows that despite support for a murderer, he is, and should be treated as, a murderer.

What has happened since isn’t all that though. That a large number of people treated Qadri as a hero and launched protests was expected. As was the turnout for his funeral. So the shock over that was a little bemusing; his execution was a big deal precisely because he had this support.

Yet more than the shock over the numbers that turned out, the surprise over the idea of it was, more bemusing? There was indignant outrage over the fact that people - mullahs, uneducated idiots, religious nutters, seminary students, etc. - openly support a murderer. Yeah. That people can support murderers caused considerable doom and gloom, not to mention anger. Pakistanis have a special talent for overlooking irony, especially journalists.

Mustafa Kamal’s tell some press conference a couple of days ago explained why that was nauseatingly hypocritical. Sub nauseatingly hypocritical for more bemusing. Since when is support of murderers an alien concept, especially for journalists?

Whenever the truth is spoken about the MQM, many pillars of clarity in the media react like they were Mufti Naeem and somebody had said we have a rape problem. Straight to the foreign agenda, in this case the “script”, coupled with ad hominem quips and a vague, deliberately false reference to lack of proof when knowing that most cases go unreported, with an even more abysmal conviction rate.

Yet Mufti Naeem isn’t as suave and I am pretty sure that his explanations wouldn’t tally as closely with a rapists’, as these journalists’ do with the mass murderers. It’s like the editorials and MQM press releases are written on the same desk.

A more important distinction is that while a Mufti Naeem does his best to convince you that rapes aren’t an issue – DAWN’s editorial on the subject makes no mention of the fact the MQM commits mass murder, does not mention killings at all actually, not even in passing – he wouldn't go on TV to bat for a particular rapist.

Again. A very important distinction. Not just apologia, not just obfuscation, not just misdirection; support for the perpetrator.

Have you seen a Mullah come on TV and tell you that rapists actually have a nice personality? Or write in an Op-Ed that rapists have some progressive values? Vote for the rapists to strengthen democracy? Rapists are the bulwarks against terrorism?

Yet that is the prescription from the, I think “rational” is the self-anointed badge now, section of the media. The mass murdering terrorist organization in Karachi is openly supported, championed by people in the media (Dishonourable mention: Nadeem F Paracha). We are told it is the bulwark against terrorism, of all things, liberal hope and shits rainbows.

Even by 2012, target killings in Karachi had killed roughly the same number of people as all of the suicide bombings & drone attacks combined, combined, in Pakistan’s history. Target killers, convicted target killers, have been arrested literally from MQM’s headquarters. Many of the same people that support the mass murdering MQM often take to writing dramatic, emotional details of the atrocities they want to highlight in order to spur a reaction. Although that largely works, they are among the target audience here and since they don’t actually give a shit about human life, going into the details would largely be redundant.

Which brings us to the propaganda job journalists do for this mass murdering entity. No matter what happens, they keep telling people that actually nothing has happened. If an MQM member confesses to security agencies, they will tell you it was under duress. If he confesses to the media, it’s the script. If he confesses to the Scotland Yard.. screenplay perhaps? Supreme Court ruling; well there’s a lot of extremism in the country. Convicted and convicts captured from the bloody headquarters of the party; Musharraf was a supporter of RAW then?

There’s denial because it’s deliberate. There’s side tracking because it is intentional. There’s no intellectual honesty here because people who wilfully support mass murder aren’t looking for an honest dialogue.

This is an invaluable service these journalists provide to MQM. Misdirection, diversion, intellectual dishonesty and plain lying help maintain legitimacy for MQM. A terrorist organization that shoots elderly women in the face, cuts people up from limb to limb or burns them alive for extortion is continually presented as a viable political entity. It has a mandate, and so many admirable qualities that it should be accommodated in the political system.

You could say but it already has support of the people, well as did Mumtaz Qadri. As did Malik Ishaque, who wasn’t even convicted despite killing a lesser number of witnesses. Should they be viable stakeholders? Do votes give a right to murder? Do elections results bring back the dead? Would it be okay for DAWN to say the Nazis had a “well-earned reputation for strong-arm tactics” but they did improve the economy and were “popular” so… you know..

Guess who would encourage a soft corner for the Nazis as the bulwark against…. say communism?

Hint: Rhymes with foebbels.

People vote for MQM because of ethnic identity, ideological leanings, death threats, illegal patronage or self-interest and make their peace with its mass murder. They are supporting mass murderers because there’s a contract where they get something in return. That does not however mean that it is not a mass murdering terrorist organization. It is. The same way the Nazis were. Malik Ishaque. Mumtaz Qadri.  

The good thing again is that Mumtaz Qadri paid for his crime, and people who support him were called out for it. Supporters of a murderer; how disgusting. Revolting. Sickening. Repugnant. You get the idea.

It would be nice if these MQM supporting journalists & media people, who ironically take pride in facing “fascist” trolls on social media, were confronted for being supporters of a mass murderer who is the closest thing to Adolf Hitler in this part of the world. 

PPP, Thar, Death & Hunger

In the second week of October it was revealed that around 300,000 bottles of mineral water, meant for the drought victims in Thar had expired in a government warehouse. Earlier in the year, wheat meant for the victims had met the same fate. At least 31 lives were lost there in October and 234, mostly children, in the preceding episode.

A reporter revealed that the district administration of Thar at that time was in the hands of Makhdom Amin Fahim’s offspring. He is the senior vice chairman of the PPP. Meanwhile an inquiry commission formed to probe the handling of the drought back in April determined that the Sindh Health Department and elected representatives of the area were to be blamed. They belong to the PPP.

In between the deaths in Thar was of course the PPP’s jalsa in Karachi. Where Bilawal, and the rest of the PPP leadership, failed to elaborate on their plans for dealing with the situation in Thar. After all, death in Thar is hardly new. In fact, it’s been here for a while. Over 1000 people died there in the last couple of years. Just because the media made some noise this time doesn’t mean priorities should change.

What was worth mentioning then? Well, Bhuttos for one. Bhuttoism for another. Shahadat. Jamhoriat. & Bhuttoism. Sprinkle some “causes” that you never did anything about when in power on top and glorious leadership is born.

Unfair perhaps, they did do something about them. In his speech that day Bilawal took credit for the PPP responding to the Hazara-Shia sit-ins in Quetta & sacrificing their government. Hmph.

Syed Nasir Ali Shah, the Hazara MNA from Quetta staged a sit in at the entrance of Parliament house in October of 2011. He belonged to the PPP & resorted to protesting against his own party after 14 Hazaras were gunned down in Quetta, and no action was taken by the government. 2011.

Why didn’t the PPP government in the province take any action? Nawab Aslam Raisani was the Chief Minister of the province, the tribal head  of Raisani tribe, influential in Mastung. Mastung, coincidentally, houses the biggest ASWJ seminary in Balochistan and witnessed numerous attacks on Shia pilgrims.

One of the first acts of Nawab Raisani after taking over as CM Balochistan was to appoint Nawabzada Humayun Jogezai as chief of police in Quetta. Jogezai, often accused of having links to the LeJ, in the past had ordered police to open fire on Hazara protesters killing 25. He is Nawab Raisani’s son-in-law. Coincidentally, Hazara killings picked up after he was appointed.

The sacrifice of the PPP government, for two whole months, wasn’t the first course of action either. Initially the PPP CM had proposed to settle the Hazara mourners issue by sending them truckloads of tissue papers. The PPP’s tissue paper strategy worked for a couple of years. Finally protests broke out throughout the country & tissue papers ran short. Hence the PM descended upon Quetta. Where Hazaras were reminded that there would be no dialogue with him, prompting one to ask;

“Kyun PM viceroy hain ya hum jaisay insaan nahin hain?”

Once the PPP made the ultimate sacrifice and removed its government, a couple of peculiar incidents took place. One PPP minister, Ali Madad Jattak, was arrested with 15 guards because Hazaras had complained he had ties to a “defunct militant group”. Chatter was that the guards were LeJ men.

Alamdar road had witnessed two blasts, one a suicide blast inside a snooker club and then a more deadly one from an explosive laden car. In February the Hazaras were targeted again, this time an explosive filled water tanker was used.

Later in the year, FC recovered 104,480 KGs of explosives from a warehouse in Quetta, the largest such find in the country’s history. The officials described the warehouse as a “car-bomb factory” complete with mixers, detonators, remote controls and of course lots of explosives to fit into vehicles. Coincidentally, the car-bomb factory belonged to a PPP leader who was later arrested.

Clearly the PPP, contrary to popular opinion, did a lot to the Hazaras.

Where did the bright speech come from any way? One influence clearly was the party old guard, who themselves spent the night recounting medical benefits of Bhuttoism. The other is the group of supposedly neutral journalists, intellectuals & NGO workers who were more excited by the PPP rally than the actual participants bused-in from around Sindh.

Is it a coincidence that almost everyone losing their shit about how many pressing issues Bilawal mentioned in his speech has been totally oblivious to the drought & the deaths in Thar? ALL of them didn’t read the last week?

Having party loyalists embedded in the media cannot possibly be a disadvantage, but the PPP is well versed in the impossible. Propagandists are a valuable resource but for external consumption, not for internal evaluation. It was just silly how Bilawal lifted his arguments from PPP apologists ever present in the media, & social media.

Sindh is underdeveloped since partition and because we had no resources. Everyone wants the blockades around Bilawal House removed because they want me to be killed. Corruption allegations are just an excuse to malign us. Governance isn’t that better elsewhere either.

Finger on the pulse.

This I am not making up; in his first interview after the 18^th October jalsa in Karachi, chairman of the PPP Bilawal claimed that 60% of Pakistan’s population is young, and so is he. Therefore, he can relate to them more than any other leader in Pakistan.

Just like Justin Bieber can.

Yes, a billionaire kid who has lived most of his life outside Pakistan, doesn’t even know the language, believes he can relate to a country where, according to World Bank, 60% of the population lives under the international poverty line, more than anyone else; because he is young.

The level of delusion is staggering, breath-taking.

So while the young prince lives in his bubble, relating to his darbaris in the party & the media, where does that leave the people? After all, it is the Pakistan “Peoples” Party.

Among death & hunger, of course. Those are the gifts the party has brought them. Thar & the Hazaras are but just a glimpse.

Consider that all over Pakistan 6,126 lives have been claimed by suicide bombings, in our history. By just 2011, the PPP had lorded over, and participated in, the killing of over 7,000 people in Karachi alone. The figure must be over 10,000 now, as the killing hasn’t stopped.

Hunger is the bigger hallmark though. Shortage of food & malnourishment is not just an issue in Thar, it persists throughout Sindh to a disgraceful extent. In Ethiopia the stunting rate for children is 51%, in Eritrea it is 44%, in Sudan 40%. In Sindh it is 56.7% and in the loyal PPP stronghold of rural Sindh, it’s 63.3%.

63.3% in 2014.

Death & hunger.

Working Paper On Political Implications Of Disease In Journalism

A strange cosmic event occurred yesterday. I saw a number of people criticising MQM for putting someone’s life in danger. The someone being Khursheed Shah of the PPP, the number of people being the many past & present PPP loyalists in the media. 

This shouldn’t be a surprise then should it? If PPP were threatened, PPP would come to the rescue. Not exactly. Over the last 6 or so years, the MQM have not only threatened, they have killed plenty of PPP people. It hasn’t really bothered the gents in question. Of course the lives of low level party workers or caught in cross fire innocents are less dear to intellectuals than the lives of venerated meter readers/leaders, but that’s not the complete story.

A closer look at the situation reveals that the enlightened people are angry not because of the destination, but because of the route MQM have chosen to get there. Blasphemy allegation. Thou shall not mix religion with politics, lest bad things happen. 

Or a wonderful thing. For the last 6 years, the same people have been so quiet about the MQM that you would think they were too busy shitting their pants, or that their drugs were being held hostage, or that they were just plain incapable of sight or comprehension when it came to the party. Because the party that has somewhere between 10-to-35 thousand armed combatants at its command, which it uses to kill political opponents, to kidnap and to extort, (when they are not secularizing the environment) never had to hear any complains about its conduct from our friends.

Yet they have now found their voice. As soon as MQM played the blasphemy card, it became evident that the avowedly liberal are capable of not only witnessing MQM’s activities, but also adept at speaking up to the Namaloom among us. 

Which is why we must perhaps rethink the label of PPP loyalists, for these are men, and women, persons, loyal not to any political party, but only to ideology. So much so, that they do not see anything outside of an ideological context. 

For example. Killing people in the name of religion.  *Blood boiling*. 

See, religion is a no go, religion based politics, religious violence. So killing people in the name of religion is wrong. Their definition of any title they grant each other is simply “one who opposes any ills that befall us because of religion & religion alone”. Hence the blasphemy outrage. 

Once you take the religion part out of it, they become placated.

For example. Killing people.  *crickets chirping*

Nothing. This is why as MQM, PPP & ANP have murdered thousands upon thousands in Karachi, to go along with extortion and other minor offences, our friends with ideological clarity have remained at peace with these parties. The reasons for killing and extortion by these parties are strictly secular, so it’s ok. 

Consider that in the many, many, many decades between 2007 and 2011 around 7,000 people were shot dead in Karachi. Also consider that in the short while between 1947 and 2014, around 6,123 people have been killed in the whole of Pakistan via suicide bombings. Now contrast the outrage.

Again, here’s why; they simply do not see a murder if it is not a murder in the name of religion. In fact the concept of crime as a whole is lost to these folk. Whether it be money laundering, stealing, kidnapping, extortion, land grabbing & of course killing, it simply does not register as a crime unless it is done in the name of religion or done by religious outfits (because they do it in the name of religion, duuhhh).

People who suffer from this condition are called Non-Facetious Peeplyas or NFPs for short. The condition is called NFPtitis. And its discovery helps explain many aspects of the, much talked about yet hitherto unexplained, political deadlock at the journo-worker level.

See, NFPtitis has political choice implications and it renders the moral, legal and magnetic compass of a patient obsolete. This in turn leads to a lot of confusion & anger when NFPs are dealing with political opponents. A great example to consider would be their interaction with PTI folk.

The new party on the block is largely fuelled by affluent upper middle class types from urban areas. These are largely non-ideological individuals who stayed away from politics until half a decade ago. Their view of crime is not shaped by an ideological leaning.

That is to say; they consider killing people a crime, and this is important, even if it is not done in the name of religion. This holds true also for stealing, kidnapping, extortion & other offences. Also worth noting is that they harbour  disdain for the excesses committed by political elite & can’t shake of a sense of injustice borne from the old guard parties, metaphorically speaking,  literally getting away with murder.

So when they interact with an NFP who’s propagating the case for, say, PPP or MQM they would have a certain aloofness or aggression. The aloofness because they have not, & the aggression because the PPP has, been involved in killings, corruption & other such stuff.

On their part, an NFP believes that PPP has done no killing & corruption because, as explained earlier, the NFP is programmed to register a crime only when it’s done in the name of religion. NFPs are thus, in their mind, presenting the case not of criminals, but normal politicians. The NFPs also tend to believe that middle class focused politics is not the best way to go. They constantly hallucinate about a young feudal billionaire prince as the messiah who can shout the lower classes into prosperity.

Encounters between the two thus leave the PTI folk amazed that there are people asinine enough to defend such criminals. While the NFPs are left wondering how people can be so self-righteous & vicious, not to mention who mock Marx’s vision of dynastic rule by billionaire capitalists to empower the lower classes. Crazy talk comrade.

This is a genuine problem which has gone unaddressed for too long. The PTI folk, unable to comprehend how seemingly educated people in media can openly support criminals & murderers, conclude that NFPs are on the party payroll. The NFPs, impervious to crime committed by a PPP type party because of NFPtitis, are unable to comprehend how seemingly educated people on social media can be so hateful. They conclude that the PTI folk are intolerant trolls. Fascist, say those in terminal stages of NFPtitis.

All the hate because they don't understand each other, and that because of one silly disease. Sigh. 

This chasm greatly pains me, and needs urgent redress. So people can live in peace & harmony. And Karachi. However, great challenges mar this endeavour. On the one hand, cleansing lifelong ideology from the NFPs is too much to ask for. On the other hand, indoctrination of all middle class urbanites is too tedious a task. 

What to do? Have no fear, for my suggestion to resolve the issue at hand is both, like me, brilliant and simple. Legalize marijuana. 

I mean crime. Legalize crime. It solves everything.

The NFPs’ worldview comes in line with the rest of the country, AND the urban middle classes lose their sense of injustice & hate towards parties that NFPs love. We can thus live in an ideological utopia where nonsense concepts like crime & law won’t hamper us from siding with the thief of our choice. And you know there won’t be murder in such a society, because we won’t admit that anyone was murdered. Like Murtaza. 

You’re all welcome.

Karachi Hath No Fury Like A Woman Scorned

For 2 days now Karachi is at a standstill. Life as we know it has stopped; there are no teenagers making movie plans, no families heading out to the beach, even the “Mailla” motorcycle gymnasts have dismounted their rides and put on the helmets, at least for the time being.

Instead, the roads are littered with burning vehicles, the streets echo with cries and gunshots, and many a corpse lies unattended by the pavement. Children and adults alike have been taken by fear, dread and naked panic, all because of the dastardly Wives. And girlfriends.

Yes, the Wives & GFs of Karachi are on the loose once again. These fashionable terror machines have been largely uncontrollable for the past 4 years and, after a brief lull, are back on the scene.

The Gov of Pakistan has taken steps to pacify the Wives & GFs in the past, to varying success. However to control them, we must first understand the phenomenon of savage Wives & GFs. Unfortunately, intellectual circles are divided over why the Wives & GFs continue to sabotage the city. The most widely accepted view is that of cultural critic and human trafficking enthusiast Nadeem F. Paracha.

“The Wives & GFs have always been a leftist entity, and were prosperous under the reign of King Zulfiqar Bhutto, and in that of his daddy, Gen Ayub Khan. These secularist forces however were put under duress with the arrival of Gen Zia. Years of oppression only strengthened the intrinsic liberal tendencies of Wives & GFs.” Mr. Paracha writes.

“After Zia’s demise, the PPP government was not given enough time, thus making the Wives & GFs bitchier. In the late 90s these women decided to take household matters into their own hands, and this secular movement soon translated onto the political spectrum in Karachi. As the Wives & GFs gained more power, they developed a sense of entitlement which, as I pointed out at the time, was a dangerous step.”

“Now that they have entrenched themselves into the system thanks to backing of rightwing forces, they have turned violent and taken the city hostage. They have also fractioned into different groups, just as the powers that be had planned for them to.” He concludes.

This brings us to the present, with tension flaring up once again between different factions of Wives & GFs. As is often the case when women fight; man paid the price, and in Karachi, prices are sky high.

It is believed that a in a “mushaira”, one Wife caught her husband attending without her permission. She, naturally, shot him dead. Said husband had a girlfriend, who then killed two of the wife’s, who was now a self made widow, lovers.

The next day all hell broke loose. Wives & GFs all over the city went into frenzy. For months they had sat in their homes; silently texting away during the day and calling strangers for some adulterous talk in the night, not anymore. Their many concerns, like the lack of quality lipsticks or the costlier gifts their BFF was receiving, drove them into a rage that the city just couldn’t handle. Girls gone wild, not the good kind.

In fact, many Wives & GFs have admitted to different reasons for killing their husbands or boyfriends or just about anyone else. One Zafira Baloch from Lyari quipped:

“I wanted a microwave oven and my husband bought it for me, but with all the load-shedding I naturally needed a UPS to go with it. I asked my second boyfriend to get me one and he refused. So you see my hands were tied, actually *hehehe* his hands were, if you know what I mean” she said with an inviting smile.

A famous “GF” of the posh Defence area, known amongst her friends as Babra “Goori”, also had a fascinating tale.

“I have been going out with this Industrialist for a year now. He is much older than me, but we have fun together. We connect, you know, he understands me. Anyway, I wanted his seaside bungalow but it was registered in his son’s name. I shot him thrice, in the head. I really love the view from that place, you should come some time.”

Aapa Syeda Shaheen is a regular housewife. She explained how she wasn’t at fault over what had happened.

“I have been loyal to my “marad” for 15 years. Esa figure hota tha mera, log marte they. Now look at me, I am a cow. For him, I sacrificed everything, and the other day I caught him with that skinny slut model from Clifton. Rage came over me and I blacked out. When I regained consciousness, he was lying in pool of blood and I had a frying pan in my hand.”

Despite the open admissions of these, and many more, Wives & GFs to their crimes, the law enforcement agencies seem helpless to apprehend them.

Interior Minister Rehman Malik sat down with me for a candid interview to explain why.

“Cekurity is not easy thing to provide. I have tried my level best and I think done a fantastical job so far. However, we cannot be everywhere all the time.” The Minister said, fondly stroking his shocking pink tie, with green unicorns emblazoned on it.

Sir, but what about those Wives & GFs that have been arrested?

“They will be released very soon. As you know, I think of even enemies’ sisters as my sisters. So how can I take action against my sisters? It is ridiculas, cekurity is good. The Wives & GFs are peaceful”

Then why do they keep killing people?

“It is the weather. As you know, the summers are approaching and the temperature is rising. From today I have banned all spicy food in the city of Karachi. Once there is no spicy food, you will see the violence will vanish. President Zardari has already taken notice of the spicy food.”

Sir, will there be any relief packages for the victims?

“The victims are already dead. What do they need relief from? We have a package for the Wives & GFs of the city, so that they remain peaceful and do not complain again. We will be giving all of them discounts on Lawn. 50% off. The money will be provided through BISP.”

“Another promise of BB Shaheed will be fulfilled; Roti, Kapra aur Lawn.”

The Minister looked very confident saying that last part, and there was a twinkle in his eye, warmth in his smile; the look of a man who knew what he was doing. As I walked out of the interview, I knew that the future of the City Of Lights was about to get even brighter.

Let’s Drone Karachi

First off, I have a confession to make. In the past, I have questioned the use of drone attacks, going as far as to declare that I oppose all US operated drones, including Sana Bucha, in a blog post on this very site.

Prolonged exposure however to liberal bastions of the Pakistani press, Nadeem F. Paracha and Najam Sethi among others, has forced me to change my views.

I see now that I was misguided and naïve, influenced by flawed concepts such as right to due process and right to life, along with an aversion to collateral damage. I was what you may call a “soft” liberal, never prepared to get my hands dirty and prone to such hippie sentiments as “Bombing for Peace is like Fucking for Virginity”.

I simply did not look at the bigger picture. I was never aware of the soothing joy that bombing through an unmanned craft brings to one’s inner self. I never cared to see it from a drone’s point of view, never considered that drones too have a sensitive side, and that they are actually quite funny once you get to know them.

Drones Point of View................

Well, that’s not the case anymore. I have realized that drones are a blessing from above, literally. They have been killing bad guys for years now and have only ever faced ridicule and criticism for doing so. It is time we stopped that and celebrated them for what they are; a gift from the God.

God though does not discriminate between his people. We are all his people; you, me and even Tazeen Javed.

The question thus is; why are those tribal folk in FATA hogging all the heavenly wonders? As Pakistanis and as humans, we are all equal and everyone should share in. Therefore I propose that the blessing of US Drones be brought upon the metropolitan heartbeat of our country; Karachi.

Seriously, I am enraged that no drones are hovering over the city of lights right now.

Why? Why do all of you hate Karachi so much? Is it because they have a beach?

Why has Karachi had to endure endemic violence day and night, for the last what many years, while the drones just loitered around bombing nothing at Shamsi Base?

Karachi has suffered so much at the hands of terrorists, perhaps more than any other city in the country. Between 4 to 7 thousand people have been killed by terrorists who have access to sophisticated weapons and who operate with impunity.

They target the security forces and they target civilians. They kill, they kidnap and they torture, before killing again. They have established rackets and No Go areas in the city. Families of victims are threatened with dire consequences and journalists are shot dead for speaking out.

Still no one has come to help the city. The killings slow down from time to time, but those responsible roam freely. Indeed, this time of peace is being used by terrorists to re-arm and regroup.

So, is the killing of people in the tribal belt or elsewhere more reprehensible than the killings in Karachi? Are they just second class citizens who can be slaughtered and the perpetrators never asked a question, let alone droned upon?

It is clear we have failed to crush these terrorists ourselves, or are unwilling to, just like in FATA. And I believe that the establishment is involved. This policy of differentiating between good and bad militants is of the GHQ’s making. It’s so obvious.

After all, one of the warlords behind much of the carnage in the city has openly confessed to meeting the ISI chief. That would be Zulfiqar Mirza aka Zulfiqar-ullah-Mehsud, scourge of Lyaristan.

Another, larger, terrorist faction was of course fostered by the wretched General Zia ul Haq, although it doesn’t get as much heat from the press as Zia’s other creations do. These are the folk of Nine-Zero-Khel. With one Al-Ibn-Farooq-ul-Sattar-al-Libbi as the local head of the foreign based terror network.

The third group is already Pakhtun, so I don’t think we need aliases to have Sana Bucha approve them drone worthy.

There then, it’s ready! Drone strike away. Bomb bomb bomb and bring untold happiness to Karachi, justice and rightful vengeance just as it is raining down in FATA.

This is how it works.

American spies can help drones identify homes in Karachi that are harbouring “Land Mafia, Drug Mafia aur Jarayem Pesha Anasir” and instant justice will be served. If anyone goes to help the terrorists after a strike, the drones will blow their asses to kingdom come too.

Terrorist gatherings, such as funerals, weddings or mass protests won’t be safe either. Honestly speaking, the more bad guys killed the better, eh?

Sure a few innocents get burned once in a while, but hey, how “innocent” were you if even a drone mistook you for a terrorist. Ha.

Listen, the brightest minds of our country believe drones are an effective counter-terrorism tool, that the terrorists deserve it. We should use it then. So many folks die at the hands of terrorists, what’s the big deal if drones get a little taste of the action?

Also, I am sure everyone read Kamran Shafi’s passionate appeal to reward our national hero Dr. Shakeel Afridi. I would like to second that proposal here, and also put forth a musing of my own on the matter.

I move that, after we make him a living recipient of the Nishan-e-Haider, Dr. Shakeel Afridi be sent to London for the running of a fake drug rehab centre. He can thus find the whereabouts of a man eating toad, often seen in sexy black shades, and hopefully an Abbotabbad style op can be carried out.

P.S: Now if you agree with me, which you do if you are not a terrorist, click here and make this shit happen. ! Hurray !