Corrupt Over The Murderous

“I will take the ‘corrupt’ over the ‘murderous’ every day, all year.”

That’s the line that pushed a certain segment of our educated (in the basic formal sense) populace to orgasm Sunday morning. Saroop Ijaz giving words to their frustration built up, especially during the last month or so, but generally, over years. Oh how they have waited for this, and how indeed have I.

First though, Imran Khan. The man is a liar, also condescending, ignorant and sinister. It’s hypocritical, deceitful and stuff of him to even pretend to honour our martyred soldiers. It’s silly that he would know better than Saroop just because he has been to the tribal areas. Saroop knows all. Hail.

The counterweight is of course the ANP. ANP good, know tribal land better, Imran bad, idiot.

Thus the future government will, in Saroop’s view, yearn for a “reconciliatory embrace with the terrorists over dead bodies”. This will be different from when ANP-PPP thrashed out a peace agreement with the same foes, or as they pledge to do again in the future, because they went, and will in the future go, ‘around’ the dead bodies.

Going ‘over’ dead bodies is what’s really bad. Everyone knows that, stupid.

Now let’s come back to the real issue here.

The murderous, vs. the corrupt. The animalistic vs. the humane. The people who believe
in dialogue, just as you do, vs. the people who take out a gun, shoot someone repeatedly, cut them into pieces and dump them in a gunny bag.

Which ones are the murderous again?

Yes, the guys who aren’t being killed, and/or a perceived to be quiet, are murderers. The guys actually, physically, killing people aren’t.

It’s confusing, yes. Little bit. But there is a reason why such marvellous logic has graced a newspaper near you.

Let me explain with the help of two pictures.





See. One of these guys is a terrorist responsible for the killing of a former Governor. The other pumped 27 bullets into the back of Salman Taseer.

That though isn’t how the ‘Saroopish’ folks see it. They are seeing one very charismatic leader of a liberal-secular last hope for sanity party and a guy who pumped 27 bullets into the back of Salman Taseer.

Notice how “terrorist responsible for the killing of a former governor” translates into “very charismatic leader of a liberal-secular last hope for sanity party”.

Now you cannot be blamed for wondering if these guys have horse-shit injected directly into their brain, because, well, they do. The consequence of injecting horse-shit directly into your brain is a mental disorder called Secularitis.

Secularitis is a serious condition not to be taken lightly and it has fascinating effects on one’s vision, among other things. Like, for example, the basic understanding of phenomenon such as terrorism.

A quick Google search could tell you that terrorism is defined as “The use of violence and intimidation in the pursuit of political aims.”



That though isn’t how a patient of secularitis sees it.



For them, it shows "The use of violence and intimidation by bearded man. (Except Zulfiqar Mirza.)"

Although this explains why patients such as Saroop cannot define what the MQM-PPP-ANP do as terrorism, it still does not explain how they don’t even perceive it as murder.

That is a most interesting matter and one that has confused doctors for a long time. The most credible theory was that Secularitis patients see the people killed by their beloved parties as dogs. This theory though has been rejected on the basis that, since many patients are dog lovers and pretty concerned about animal rights in general, they would have reacted at the killing of around 9000 dogs.

Thus it is still unclear how Secularitis patients view people murdered by ANP-PPP-MQM. All that we do know is that they are not viewed as humans. Or dogs.

Even our limited knowledge of the disease though explains many phenomenons that would otherwise seem absurd.

For example, that the sudden talk of “funerals in other Pakistan” has burst out after around 55 deaths in a month while it didn’t happen after 100 deaths in 4 days can only be explained with reference to Secularitis.

Similarly, the belief that we are anti-militancy with Zulfi Mirza’s wife as the Speaker of National assembly can again only be attributed to Secularitis. The same goes for condemnation of terrorism with a career target killer as governor.

The examples, as you can imagine, are many and implications are wide. The most peculiar among them though has to be:

“I will take the ‘corrupt’ over the ‘murderous’ every day, all year.”

When the slimy fuck will actually take the murderous corrupt every day, all year.

Lawless Lawyers

Since the return to Pakistan of former military dictator Pervez Musharraf, a certain political party has taken flak over its perceived silence, reportedly at the behest of foreign sponsors. While the Saudis might have played a role in pacifying the former President’s political rivals, it can be reasonably assumed that they don’t wield the same influence over Pakistan’s legal fraternity.

The black coats have been Musharraf’s most potent opponents since his return, just as they were during his time in office. And while it is admirable that they have taken the initiative when others seemed somewhat hesitant, the ugly scenes witnessed in Rawalpindi on Tuesday would suggest that they have gone a step, or several, too far.

Musharraf supporters had reportedly turned up in large numbers as he appeared before a court in connection with the Benazir Bhutto murder case. Lawyers were also present, although they claim not in the same numbers. After some sloganeering, a melee broke out between the two groups and while the lawyers were at first outnumbered, reinforcements soon arrived and carried them to an (in)glorious victory.

The savagery didn’t stop there however. Not satisfied with beating the living daylights out of their “opponents”, lawyers, sticks in hand, took to beating passer-bys and breaking the windows of any vehicles they could find. Initial reports suggest vehicles did not shout pro-Musharraf slogans.

While the healthy participation by female lawyers is one positive the legal community could point to, there are not many others. The fact that members of a revered and educated segmented of society, specializing incidentally in “law”, would take the law into their hands and act as petty thugs in such a blatant fashion must be worrying for everyone not only in the community but in the country.

It’s even more worrying that this was not a one off incident. Since Musharraf’s return, the lawyers have only grown more violent with each passing day. First a shoe was thrown by a lawyer at the former General. The next time it was a chair. Next a couple of his supporters were singled out for punishment, landing one in hospital.

Yet the most worrying aspect in all of this is the indifference of the leaders of the legal community. Appearing on a TV talk show the evening of the incident, prominent leaders of the lawyers’ movement, including Ali Ahmed Kurd and Taufiq Asif, president of the Rawalpindi High Court Bar Association, did not appear too keen to confront the issue of continued use of violence by lawyers.

Taufiq Asif especially stressed on the non-culpability of lawyers because they had been provoked and attacked by Musharraf supporters. Hence what they did was only in retaliation.

Now the “they started it” argument here is out of place for a number of reasons. First because it is being made not by a 5 year old but by the President of a High Court Bar Association. Second because two wrongs make a wrong. Third because if everyone was to follow the example set by the lawyers, which is to settle their scores on their own and circumvent the legal process, lawyers would become... kind of extinct.

Moreover it deflects from the fact that since the Lawyers movement re-seated CJ Iftikhar Chaudhry, the community has become a pressure group not to be messed with; rather than the educated, righteous role models to be emulated.

Lawyers have been in the headlines for all the wrong reasons since the movement ended. They have beaten police officers, they have attacked judges, they have assaulted media persons and much of it has been caught on tape. Their response to getting filmed while beating someone has been to beat the people who filmed them. Not exactly encouraging.

All the while the leaders of the legal community have done nothing. This is perhaps the most well organized community in the country, with Bar Associations for districts and provinces and at the national level. Yet they take no action against the “black sheep” who physically assault people and suspend memberships of lawyers for representing certain clients.

This is to say, between beating people and representing people, the latter is deemed more reprehensible by the Bar Associations.

The lawyers have a problem and it won’t go away if it isn’t acknowledged. It is about time leaders of this community realize that their own reputation is what has suffered most at their battle-hardened hands.

The various Bar Associations need to take meaningful action against the culprits in Tuesday’s fracas, most of whom are easily identifiable via video. If they don’t, they will only be hastening the fall of the whole community from the status of heroes to the status of hoodlums.

Why Pervez Hoodbhoy, Why?

How much bullshit is enough bullshit? That’s the question Dr. Pervez Hoodbhoy ought to ask himself, or you ought to ask Dr. Pervez Hoodbhoy, after he produced some high quality bullshit in Express Tribune this Saturday.

Cricketer Khan and Maulana Qadri? Really, you were a professor? Do you also use Lohar Sharif and Husband Zardari?

The corruption in Pakistan, which amounts to billions of rupees daily according to a government friendly and government appointed NAB chief, is not really an issue. The youth are over-zealous pawns and contraceptives will save Pakistan! Right.

How desperate, bitter and biased do you have to be that you invent a country to justify your bullshit?

Have any of you heard of Italy? It’s a country in Europe, shaped like a boot. It’s where Pizza came from.

Well, there’s a separate Italy, the real Italy that only Mr. Hoodbhoy knows of. It’s a land filled with joy, ruled by the happy go lucky Silvio Berlusconi. It is totally unaffected by the corruption and ineptness of its rulers and it just keeps getting “richer and better”.

The fake Italy we know has fallen on tough times. Berlusconi’s corrupt government coincided with a steep decline in the country’s fortunes. It doesn’t keep getting “richer and better”; in fact the economy has shrunk in the golden corrupt hands of Mr. Berlusconi. Things were so bad that they ushered in a technocratic government to fix the economy. That’s exactly what we have been dreading since Maulana Qadri came onto the scene.

Mr. Hoodbhoy though isn’t only an expert on Italy; he also knows a little something about the USA and her devious presidential candidate Mitt Romney. Thing is, the Americans have it as bad as we do, have you ever heard them complain? I mean Romney only paid as much tax as our “unscrupulous parliamentarians.”

Very accurate on all counts.

The Americans don’t mind at all. The occupy Wall Street movement was actually a protest against skin tight pants. Long overdue, I know. The institutionalized corruption and lending to banks hasn’t hurt them either, just that people don’t have jobs, the country’s debt keeps soaring and it narrowly avoided a so called fiscal cliff.

Romney paid almost $2 million in personal income tax in 2011. That is 20 Crore PKR. That is almost 19 Crore more than what Lohar Sharif and Showbaz Sharif paid combined that year. That is 20 Crore more than what our President Husband Zardari paid. That is not “only a little more”.

Anyways, let us not dwell on the details. Bottom line is that corruption obviously isn’t Pakistan’s problem, or Italy’s. Or America’s. Then what is?

The professor seems to have sourced a 7th grader’s essay to answer that question. Saving the issues of poverty and illiteracy for another time, he chose to focus on 1) population. His insight really is unparalleled. He would also like you to believe that this problem would have been brought under control if it weren’t for the big bad Jamaat-e-Islami and their 2/3rd majority in parliament.

Then we move to 2)terrorism, which Lohar Sharif and Husband Zardari would have defeated by now if it weren’t for Maulana Qadri’s three weeks in Pakistan or Cricketer Khan’s objection of drones. Contrary to what the mad cricketer says, drones work. Just look at how North Waziristan is now a terrorist-free zone thanks to drone attacks.

Last is the economy. You don’t have to collect taxes and redistribute wealth, you just have to 3) create more wealth. Husband Zardari has been creating wealth by printing wealth, doesn’t seem to have worked.

Not to worry though, Lohar Sharif will do it. The pathetic GDP growth in Lohar’s two stints as PM, the even more pathetic GDP growth of Punjab the last five years, and PMLN’s vision to implement Bush style tax cuts that left US economy in tatters all tell Dr. Pervez Hoodbhoy (PhD) that Lohar is the man.

Mind-blowing analytical skills.

Meanwhile, “the fist shaking, rostrum pounding” Cricketer, whom the professor desperately wants to group with the Maulana, has included both terrorism and the economy in his “empty thunder” that offers “nothing real”. He has been out administering polio drops, demanding justice for the Shia-Hazaras and his party has actually given an economic policy, which the heroic PMLN have not.

This is obfuscation of the most shameless kind. Lies and more lies. There was no point to Hoodbhoy’s piece apart from attacking anyone threatening the two established parties. Not an inch of substance.

Why?

LoC Incursions & Perils Of Sensationalism

Last night I caught a glimpse of what is being broadcast in India since the alleged cross border raid by Pakistani forces that left two Indian soldiers dead. Barkha Dutt, an Indian journalist fairly well known on this side of the border, read out a very tense, stern, hyped-up monologue that set the tone for her show. Her emphasis, time and again, on the “unprovoked” aggression from the Pakistani side as well as the “gruesome” and “horrific” nature of the attack stood out.

Unprovoked because the Indian Army was attacked on its side of the LoC and had not launched an adventure of its own. Gruesome because according to the anchor, “one soldier was decapitated and the other may as well have been decapitated.”

For those who are still unaware, the Indian Army’s Northern Command have denied that either soldier was decapitated or had their throats slit, according to Reuters. How the decapitation story found it’s way into the discourse is brilliantly chronicled here. Also, this report by an Indian website confirms that the alleged attack by the Pakistani forces seems to have been in response to an earlier raid by the Indian army, on January 6th, that left one Pakistani soldier dead and another injured.

So the attack was neither “gruesome”, nor “unprovoked.” It was simply a retaliation for an earlier Indian raid and it is still only “alleged”. Why?

There is a UN Military Observation mechanism already in place, on both sides of the LoC, that can be called upon to investigate incidents of cease fire violations. India had not, until last night, called upon the UN mission to investigate the incident.

The UN mission is though going to investigate the January 6th incursion by Indian forces, which was promptly reported by the Pakistani side. As opposed to the patrol party engaging in a firefight, as happened on January 8th, Indian forces physically attacked a Pakistani post and while retreating left behind a gun and a dagger.

Based on the better evidence, Pakistan appears to have a stronger case to complain.

Yet it is the Indian media, with even the more moderate anchorpersons, building an emotional, hyped up narrative of barbarity and adventurism against Pakistan. Politicians have played their part sure, but the charge is firmly being led by the media.

The sensationalism means that the Indian Army’s initial raid, which actually escalated tensions along the LoC, has been erased from the discourse. Moreover a misreporting of the facts, coupled with TV screens flashing “When will India wake up” in red, are driving an increasingly hostile reaction against Pakistan.

The Pakistani media on the other hand did not raise much hue and cry on the 6th January incident. A part of the reason could be that we are more focused on the so called WoT. However it is also true, and more relevant, that large sections of the Pakistani media are actively working to bring Pakistan and India closer.

That is why the media is careful not to over-hype incidents that can derail the peace process and put the perpetually strained relations between the countries under more pressure. We love our soldiers as much as the other side, and we have our fair share of hawks eager for confrontation, but that didn’t stop the media from taking a cautious, reasoned approach.

The irresponsible and sensationalist stances taken by the Indian media can thus push their counterparts in Pakistan into a very uneasy corner. Already there is valid criticism on the media for not presenting Pakistan’s case as well, and as forcefully, as it should have. Parts of the media have in response taken sterner lines.

This will only grow if the Indian media doesn’t change its attitude, and the resolve on this side to keep the larger interest in mind will weaken. Journalists seen as pro-India will be called out and their credentials called into question. When one or two channels finally take the aggressive “when will we wake up” line, others will most likely follow.

The Pakistani media might have taken the pro-peace, some would say pro-appeasement, line with regards India, but they won’t be able to hold it for long if their Indian counter-parts keep sacrificing reason on the altar of sensationalism.