Monday, 6 May 2013

Corrupt Over The Murderous

I will take the ‘corrupt’ over the ‘murderous’ every day, all year.

That’s the line that pushed a certain segment of our educated (in the basic formal sense) populace to orgasm Sunday morning. Saroop Ijaz giving words to their frustration built up, especially during the last month or so, but generally, over years. Oh how they have waited for this, and how indeed have I.

First though, Imran Khan. The man is a liar, also condescending, ignorant and sinister. It’s hypocritical, deceitful and stuff of him to even pretend to honour our martyred soldiers. It’s silly that he would know better than Saroop just because he has been to the tribal areas. Saroop knows all. Hail.

The counterweight is of course the ANP. ANP good, know tribal land better, Imran bad, idiot.

Thus the future government will, in Saroop’s view, yearn for a “reconciliatory embrace with the terrorists over dead bodies”. This will be different from when ANP-PPP thrashed out a peace agreement with the same foes, or as they pledge to do again in the future, because they went, and will in the future go, ‘around’ the dead bodies.

Going ‘over’ dead bodies is what’s really bad. Everyone knows that, stupid.

Now let’s come back to the real issue here.

The murderous, vs. the corrupt. The animalistic vs. the humane. The people who believe
in dialogue, just as you do, vs. the people who take out a gun, shoot someone repeatedly, cut them into pieces and dump them in a gunny bag.

Which ones are the murderous again?

Yes, the guys who aren’t being killed, and/or a perceived to be quiet, are murderers. The guys actually, physically, killing people aren’t.

It’s confusing, yes. Little bit. But there is a reason why such marvellous logic has graced a newspaper near you.

Let me explain with the help of two pictures.

See. One of these guys is a terrorist responsible for the killing of a former Governor. The other pumped 27 bullets into the back of Salman Taseer.

That though isn’t how the ‘Saroopish’ folks see it. They are seeing one very charismatic leader of a liberal-secular last hope for sanity party and a guy who pumped 27 bullets into the back of Salman Taseer.

Notice how “terrorist responsible for the killing of a former governor” translates into “very charismatic leader of a liberal-secular last hope for sanity party”.

Now you cannot be blamed for wondering if these guys have horse-shit injected directly into their brain, because, well, they do. The consequence of injecting horse-shit directly into your brain is a mental disorder called Secularitis.

Secularitis is a serious condition not to be taken lightly and it has fascinating effects on one’s vision, among other things. Like, for example, the basic understanding of phenomenon such as terrorism.

A quick Google search could tell you that terrorism is defined as “The use of violence and intimidation in the pursuit of political aims.”

That though isn’t how a patient of secularitis sees it.

For them, it shows "The use of violence and intimidation by bearded man. (Except Zulfiqar Mirza.)"

Although this explains why patients such as Saroop cannot define what the MQM-PPP-ANP do as terrorism, it still does not explain how they don’t even perceive it as murder.

That is a most interesting matter and one that has confused doctors for a long time. The most credible theory was that Secularitis patients see the people killed by their beloved parties as dogs. This theory though has been rejected on the basis that, since many patients are dog lovers and pretty concerned about animal rights in general, they would have reacted at the killing of around 9000 dogs.

Thus it is still unclear how Secularitis patients view people murdered by ANP-PPP-MQM. All that we do know is that they are not viewed as humans. Or dogs.

Even our limited knowledge of the disease though explains many phenomenons that would otherwise seem absurd.

For example, that the sudden talk of “funerals in other Pakistan” has burst out after around 55 deaths in a month while it didn’t happen after 100 deaths in 4 days can only be explained with reference to Secularitis.

Similarly, the belief that we are anti-militancy with Zulfi Mirza’s wife as the Speaker of National assembly can again only be attributed to Secularitis. The same goes for condemnation of terrorism with a career target killer as governor.

The examples, as you can imagine, are many and implications are wide. The most peculiar among them though has to be:

“I will take the ‘corrupt’ over the ‘murderous’ every day, all year.”

When the slimy fuck will actually take the murderous corrupt every day, all year.


  1. Okai first of all, love the title of your blog lol. so deep, hahahaha

    so, im not the only one who searched the definition of terrorism on google, and "the use of violence by BEARDED men" is so disappointing to read :/

  2. good lord man. at some point in time you should probably relax and maybe rethink your rage, because it sure as hell is clouding any semblance of a brain you might possess. nice bastardization of secular too - i love it when people bash an ideology rather than the people abusing it. kinda like how people do that with islam, eh?

    for a start though, thanks for pointing out that because IK's been to the tribal areas, he'd know more than saroop. best baat kar di hai aap ne. i don't think i even need to touch on how utterly farcical this is, so i won't.

    (also, where's the MQM bashing coming from? seriously? half the country's "liberals" or "seculars" - that disgusting word again! - pretty much accept and talk openly about the militancy of the MQM. i will say though that i agree that MQMs violence is being underplayed just because they're being attacked by the taliban. that's definitely disingenuous on the part of everyone).

    as for peace talks, go back to 2008 and 2009. the same ANP-PPP hashed out nizam-e-adl was due to considerable parliamentary pressure. do you know who else bleated on consistently about it? Imran Khan. do you know who else said shit like the people of swat aren't full of loathing for the TTP because they're providing efficient justice and service delivery? Imran Khan. do you know who decided he'd speak for the people of Swat when he wasn't anywhere near swat, or hasn't visited? Imran Khan. do you know how i know the people of swat and waziristan were consistently rejecting all this bullshit and vehemently opposed nizam-e-adl? cause i'm a pashtun from south waziristan and my best friends' families are from swat and dir. i guess i know more than both you and imran khan, eh?

    (ANP have always sought a political solution as well, something that seemingly both people like you and those who seem to think ANP looooooooove drones have ignored. However, ANP realize that the TTP and their ilk are a considerable threat to the country and want to implement sharia all over. IK just happens to believe they're oppressed pashtun nationalists who are sick of drones. Fuck knows what taking over Karachi has to do with drones, but hey, apparently IK understands the taliban mentality better than their own fucking spokesman).

    congratulations though, for being just like any other IK supporter, and being wilfully ignorant of his tremendous deficiencies when it comes to terrorism. congratulations also, for sounding exactly like every other non-pashtun when it comes to terrorism, since your understanding of it seems to be just as pathetically juvenile as imran khan's.

    and at the end of the day, i guess punjab can busy itself with worrying about corruption while it sends jihadis from southern punjab to fuck shit up in quetta or in waziristan. make sure you mention corruption as the worst thing ever the next time you break any laws, or grab some beer or booze or chars, all of which are illegal and only available to us because police is so fucking corrupt. make sure you mention corruption the next time nepotism lands you or your friends a job. make sure corruption's the biggest bugbear in your land when thousands of people in balochistan and KP lose their lives, while punjab and sindh fiddle themselves silly. that was ultimately saroop's point (i imagine) and it's not wrong in the least.

    i'm not a PTI fan, as you can probably tell, but i can understand why people are voting for them (and by that i mean there are plenty of legitimate reasons to vote for them). imran khan on terrorism, however, is stupendously thick, and you've managed to pick on the worst of imran khan's political opinions and argue that somehow that's not really the case, which is pretty indefensible.

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