Let’s Drone Karachi

First off, I have a confession to make. In the past, I have questioned the use of drone attacks, going as far as to declare that I oppose all US operated drones, including Sana Bucha, in a blog post on this very site.

Prolonged exposure however to liberal bastions of the Pakistani press, Nadeem F. Paracha and Najam Sethi among others, has forced me to change my views.

I see now that I was misguided and naïve, influenced by flawed concepts such as right to due process and right to life, along with an aversion to collateral damage. I was what you may call a “soft” liberal, never prepared to get my hands dirty and prone to such hippie sentiments as “Bombing for Peace is like Fucking for Virginity”.

I simply did not look at the bigger picture. I was never aware of the soothing joy that bombing through an unmanned craft brings to one’s inner self. I never cared to see it from a drone’s point of view, never considered that drones too have a sensitive side, and that they are actually quite funny once you get to know them.

Drones Point of View................

Well, that’s not the case anymore. I have realized that drones are a blessing from above, literally. They have been killing bad guys for years now and have only ever faced ridicule and criticism for doing so. It is time we stopped that and celebrated them for what they are; a gift from the God.

God though does not discriminate between his people. We are all his people; you, me and even Tazeen Javed.

The question thus is; why are those tribal folk in FATA hogging all the heavenly wonders? As Pakistanis and as humans, we are all equal and everyone should share in. Therefore I propose that the blessing of US Drones be brought upon the metropolitan heartbeat of our country; Karachi.

Seriously, I am enraged that no drones are hovering over the city of lights right now.

Why? Why do all of you hate Karachi so much? Is it because they have a beach?

Why has Karachi had to endure endemic violence day and night, for the last what many years, while the drones just loitered around bombing nothing at Shamsi Base?

Karachi has suffered so much at the hands of terrorists, perhaps more than any other city in the country. Between 4 to 7 thousand people have been killed by terrorists who have access to sophisticated weapons and who operate with impunity.

They target the security forces and they target civilians. They kill, they kidnap and they torture, before killing again. They have established rackets and No Go areas in the city. Families of victims are threatened with dire consequences and journalists are shot dead for speaking out.

Still no one has come to help the city. The killings slow down from time to time, but those responsible roam freely. Indeed, this time of peace is being used by terrorists to re-arm and regroup.

So, is the killing of people in the tribal belt or elsewhere more reprehensible than the killings in Karachi? Are they just second class citizens who can be slaughtered and the perpetrators never asked a question, let alone droned upon?

It is clear we have failed to crush these terrorists ourselves, or are unwilling to, just like in FATA. And I believe that the establishment is involved. This policy of differentiating between good and bad militants is of the GHQ’s making. It’s so obvious.

After all, one of the warlords behind much of the carnage in the city has openly confessed to meeting the ISI chief. That would be Zulfiqar Mirza aka Zulfiqar-ullah-Mehsud, scourge of Lyaristan.

Another, larger, terrorist faction was of course fostered by the wretched General Zia ul Haq, although it doesn’t get as much heat from the press as Zia’s other creations do. These are the folk of Nine-Zero-Khel. With one Al-Ibn-Farooq-ul-Sattar-al-Libbi as the local head of the foreign based terror network.

The third group is already Pakhtun, so I don’t think we need aliases to have Sana Bucha approve them drone worthy.

There then, it’s ready! Drone strike away. Bomb bomb bomb and bring untold happiness to Karachi, justice and rightful vengeance just as it is raining down in FATA.

This is how it works.

American spies can help drones identify homes in Karachi that are harbouring “Land Mafia, Drug Mafia aur Jarayem Pesha Anasir” and instant justice will be served. If anyone goes to help the terrorists after a strike, the drones will blow their asses to kingdom come too.

Terrorist gatherings, such as funerals, weddings or mass protests won’t be safe either. Honestly speaking, the more bad guys killed the better, eh?

Sure a few innocents get burned once in a while, but hey, how “innocent” were you if even a drone mistook you for a terrorist. Ha.

Listen, the brightest minds of our country believe drones are an effective counter-terrorism tool, that the terrorists deserve it. We should use it then. So many folks die at the hands of terrorists, what’s the big deal if drones get a little taste of the action?

Also, I am sure everyone read Kamran Shafi’s passionate appeal to reward our national hero Dr. Shakeel Afridi. I would like to second that proposal here, and also put forth a musing of my own on the matter.

I move that, after we make him a living recipient of the Nishan-e-Haider, Dr. Shakeel Afridi be sent to London for the running of a fake drug rehab centre. He can thus find the whereabouts of a man eating toad, often seen in sexy black shades, and hopefully an Abbotabbad style op can be carried out.

P.S: Now if you agree with me, which you do if you are not a terrorist, click here and make this shit happen. ! Hurray !

I condemn evil Jemima Khan’s vicious attack on Najam Sethi. Too.

Don’t you hate evil people? And don’t you love twitter? I know I do and I can’t stand the level of evil currently permeating on the twitter that I love.

Thankfully though, there are some selfless ones out there who have devoted their lives to identifying such evil and taking it to task. This blog post is inspired by the gallant words of one such heroine, who goes by the name of Tazeen Javed.

If you haven’t heard of her, shame on you. Tazeen recently took down the evil witch Jemima “Yahoodi” Khan, after the latter had hurled unholy incantations at the saintly Najam Sethi.

In a brave act, she consented to her “Op-Ed” being published at the Express Tribune website. Even though ET would never publish a rebuttal, there have been instances where critical comments get through their screening process.

Tazeen didn’t care. Respect.

You see the elderly journalist Najam Sethi, who is only the Chief Editor of the Friday Times and once or twice has been on a Geo News show, is clearly at a disadvantage against Jemima, occasional columnist who has a twitter account.

He obviously can’t take her on with his limited resources. Enter Ms Javed.

Morality demanded of her to help an old man in trouble and Tazeen, a champion of the oppressed, stepped up. In her Op-Ed, she broke off the shackles and destroyed the notoriously cruel Jemima Khan step by step. It was beautiful. Seriously, must read stuff.

As you all know, Jemima’s vitriol against Mr Sethi was based on “false accusations” that he referred to her as a Jew, despite her being a Muslim who had formerly been a Christian. So Ms Javed dismantled that notion right at the beginning.

It was crafty, because it needed to be. Najam Sethi sahib clearly states, within the first five minutes, that Imran Khan married a Jewish woman, in his casual gup-shup style. Damn Youtube. I know.

With the truth being muddled by the, umm, other truth on YouTube, Tazeen used the old diversion strategy to bring clarity. She started beating on about some clips of Fazl Ur Rehman and some bullies who had wronged her and helping Jemima, among other very profound … reasoning.

The fact that Jemima’s vile rant was actually against Sethi sahib’s “British media Jewish Heiress” tweet didn’t get space in the eloquent article. Instead, Ms Javed slid in some real wise ass digs at Jemima, the Express Tribune editor LoL-ed at those.

Some column space still needed to be filled and Tazeen was running out of ideas. Fortunately, she had just watched the hilarious Brit comedy “The Invention of Lying”. Believing events in the movie to be real, Ms Javed decided to give it a go. Thus she next implied that Najam had been targeted because it was easier to do so, and Fazl-ur-Rehman let off.

Yes, I know Jemima had come down much harder on Maulana Diesel, but it’s ET. Honest people. And that movie is quite funny actually. So, you know… It’s for a good cause.

Now we get to closing the piece. Throw in a reference to Saleem Shehzad, because that was completely relevant in Jemima vs. Sethi, and complain about PTI trolls. That’s the standard recipe to get a smoking piece of shit published these days.

Tazeen Javed knows that and the editor at ET doesn’t know better. Prompt a first comment that says “I watched the show. I swear what’s written above is true”, a very recurring coincidence, and the smacketh down has been laid. Counter that you Jewish heiress. Power of the pen, ET style.

There’s a lesson here for Jemima. Since “she was never considered particularly bright by anyone of note”, I am going to have to spell it out for her.

We Hate You.

By “we”, of course I mean the Pakistani press. It’s annoying to us that you don’t get it already. Have you forgotten what we did to you in the nineties? We are going to it all over again baby, just you see.

Actually, it’s not just the media. It’s pretty much the whole country. You married a national hero, but we still kicked your ass. You have already lost your marriage because of us, you have been driven out of the country, and we weren’t even being mean back then.

We won’t stop coming for you either. So please do the only thing that we will tolerate; shut up.

Comprendo?

Shut Up.

Just keep mum as Fazl-ur-Rehman attacks your children and Najam Sethi wonders about your religion. You have no right to speak up.

If you do, we sting. You can’t win no matter what you say. For instance, in the month of February, Nadeem F. Paracha is going to put on his smug face and call you a hypocrite every time he thinks of Hafiz Saeed. He thinks of Hafiz Saeed ALOT, btw.

We don’t care about making sense. You think you can mess with Najam Sethi? You Jehadi Jew hypocrite, NFP judges you.

And so do the rest of us.

Selective Beyghairati

Isn’t Zulfiqar Ali Bhutto an oxymoron? Bhutto is Pakistan’s most revered democrat and Zulfiqar was a product of the Ayub Khan dictatorship. He is also the biggest champion of the people here, or what’s left of “here” but he didn’t listen to the people over there, or what’s now “there”.

Bhutto lost the elections in 1970. The massive rallies, the enthralling speeches and the diehard jiyalas came to nought as Sheik Mujeeb-ur-Rehman routed him, winning a simple majority in Pakistan.

What followed was an utter disgrace of a stance by Shaheed Bhutto as he refused to accept the result of the election. An election held under the Yahya administration that hated Mujeeb and despised the Bengals right from the start.

Bhutto wouldn’t let a session of the National Assembly be called and told anyone who wanted to participate in the democratic process that he would “break their legs”. This gave Yahya the opportunity to launch a military crackdown against the “traitorous” Bengalis while ZAB tore apart a UN cease fire resolution to rapturous applause.

Over the last week or so, everyone would have read about shameful acts our military carried out in what is now Bangladesh, but not many wrote to point out the role Bhutto played in that fiasco.

Why is that?

People do know this happened. There’s plenty of inflammatory Bhutto rhetoric against the Bengalis out on the web. If you go to East Pakistan go on a one way ticket, anyone? Oh, I “lost” the Hamoodur Rahman Report!

So why didn’t our many outspoken critics take him to task? Surely the press has enough guts to take on Bhutto if they can take on the mighty army? Didn’t they owe Bengalis the complete truth on the 40th anniversary of what we did to them?

The thing is, our media scene today is dominated by liberals or leftists or whatever. I don’t know how the labels work, but these folk are basically a reactionary entity to the high handedness of our esteemed military establishment, and they don’t take lightly to religious extremism or rightist tendencies.

That’s all well and good. However, in their attempts to offset the damage done by the Ghairat Brigade, the Beyghairats are fast becoming, or have become, what they set out to oppose.

Today the perspective they put forward is often biased, and almost never highlights the complete truth. Just as the Ghairat Brigade plays up rhetoric that suits their agenda, the beyghairats ignore anything that might compromise theirs.

The lesson learnt from the East Pakistan tragedy was that using our military against our own people is the worst possible course of action. Therefore, we are today engaged in two military campaigns, one in Balochistan and another in Khyber Pakhtunkhuwa.

The Ghairat lot gives some muffled justifications for the use of force in Balochistan, while the Beyghairats will hunt you down if you appose war in Afghanistan, or our tribal areas.

Lennon said “Give peace a chance”, we say “Give peace a chance, just not in this case”.

I am all for beyghairati, but if we are to be beyghairat we should do it wholeheartedly. When you pick and chose things to be beyghairat about, you end up being ghairati half the time. Make sense?

How about telling the whole story and letting people draw a conclusion on their own?

To Nadeem F. Paracha, for Sindh

Dear Nadeem F. Paracha,

Yes, it is me again, your devoted follower. I want to shower you with praises once more, and this time I am really enthusiastic. You blow my mind man, you really do. It was so obvious, yet I and other brain dead folk like me couldn’t see it. The memogate scandal is about Sindh – It always has been.

Asif Ali Zardari is being victimized here and that obviously means the military is out to wreak havoc in Sindh again. After all, he is a “top political leader from the Sindh province”, who couldn’t even win a district council seat in Nawabshah before a certain wedding ceremony. His political life though screams of struggle for Sindh. Among his many, many accomplishments is marrying Benazir Bhutto and being safely tucked away abroad while she was assassinated in Pakistan. A true political leader if I ever saw one.

Sindhis really love the man. His tenure as President has brought untold happiness to Sindh. Zardari, the Sindhi patriot from Balochistan that he is, showed his real love for the people when the terrible floods hit. He just couldn’t bear the sight of devastation in Sindh and therefore went away to pray in a remote makeshift tent somewhere in France! Possibly without food and water!

Is it any wonder then that the filthy Punjabi establishment hate him so much? However, no one in our sell-out media could see this coming. Their judgment is probably clouded by the facts, but you suffer no such disadvantages. You saw through the smokescreen to uncover the real agenda here, a Sindhi democrat under threat by the Punjabi military men.

They have had it in for him right from the start haven’t they? I bet Gen Musharraf and Gen Kayani had this in mind when they thrashed out the NRO and gave him complete immunity for all crimes committed – The establishment was just luring him in. Kayani also tricked Zardari into giving him the 3-year extension so that he could strike when the time was right.

The naïve among us still believe that Kayani and Zardari are fighting after failing to backstab each other. Don’t be angry at them though Mr. Paracha, they have been raised on a false education.

They don’t know the history of the Punjab – Destroying one Sindhi leader after the other. Zardari is not the first; his ‘spiritual father’ suffered the same fate because he was a Sindhi. You see, “daddy” Gen Ayub Khan didn’t really love Zulfiqar Ali Bhutto. He made him his foreign minister, but kept all the best toys for the other ministers.

When Bhutto finally realized this, he denounced dictatorships and decided that democracy really would be the best revenge, at once launching his struggle against the wretched Punjabi establishment.

He swept into power riding the support of the masses from, among other places, Lahore and Punjab, but they were actually just deceiving him, as was the military. See, Gen Yahya Khan was in on it as well. The establishment hated the Sindhi Bhutto, but still supported him against Mujeeb-ur-Rehman even at the cost of breaking up Pakistan, obviously with ulterior motives in mind.

Their ploy ran deep. Just when Bhutto started trusting the military and appointed an out of turn, ill-deserving and possibly disturbed Gen Zia ul Haq as Chief of the Army Staff, tragedy struck. Bhutto bypassed Lt. Gens Muhammad Shariff, Muhammed Akbar Khan, Aftab Ahmed Khan, Azmat Baksh Awan, Agha Ibrahim Akram, Abdul Majeed Malik and Ghulam Jilani Khan in choosing Zia as the COAS, and how did that Punjabi reward him?

The complete military establishment is to blame for what an incompetent, 8th choice General did – He was Punjabi too! The plot thickens indeed.

It is also irrelevant that the number of military coups against governments of Nawaz Sharif, Iskander Mirza and Zulfiqar Bhutto, all from different provincial backgrounds, is the same, i.e. ONE.

What’s relevant is that Zardari has somehow managed to become the President of Pakistan, he didn't benefit from the establishment sponsored NRO, he wears a Sindhi topi when under pressure and there must not be any grounds for a remote-controlled tsunami, yes, I do know what you mean. *wink wink*.

Speaking of remote-controlled, Sana Bucha really fancies Mr. Nawaz Sharif. With the Americans backing Sharif to be our next ruler you have to water down your already watered down references to him being an old military stooge and current military pawn. Or else Fasi Zaka won’t speak to you for a week – Serious!

Not to worry, we will deal with these matters when the time comes. Let us rejoice in the now, for you have attained the intellectual astuteness of the one and only Dr. Babar Awan, the only other guy on TV who keeps playing the Sindh card. I seriously don’t think you can go any higher than that, but I know you have a tendency to surprise us all.

So let Zardari be, everyone – Sindh loves him. He stops target killing in Karachi at least twice a day!


Hoping to hear from you soon,

Devoted mind-blown-ed follower.