AnchorGate Reflections – The Shameless Media Machine

Let’s all just applaud our free and vibrant media for another chapter in their book titled “utter shamelessness”. I know they are quite distinguished in the above mentioned field but the AnchorGate episode does warrant special praise.

I mean just look at how everything has simply died down, no bumps, no glitches, it’s just smooth sailing now. Perhaps smoother than it was.

When that two part video went viral, putting Aloo Anday and Wadera Ka Beta in their place, all hell looked set to break loose. The outrage was only matched by the hilarity of it all; a storm was well and truly afoot and it seemed like the Pakistani media was in for a beat down.

Didn’t happen.

At once the journos, adaptive creatures that they are, joined the chorus of abuse against their fallen comrades. Meher Bokhari was Zeher Bokhari, while Mubasher Luqman had always been the failed film director, never part of the esteemed and honourable profession. The whole fraternity distanced itself from the episode, complete with mock rage and some really dramatic soul searching.

Instead of being a source of shame, the fact that journos took money from Malik Riaz became a source of laughter. Over and over again the earnest complaints of not receiving any plots from Malik Riaz marked out the rightful ones from the corrupt lot, which apparently comprised of just Mubasher Luqman and Meher Bokhari. Every other media man/woman supports a halo, which is paid for by their own hard earned money.

What really happened in the aftermath of AnchorGate? Well, Hamid Mir took some pot-shots at Mubasher Luqman, steering well clear of mentioning the Villa he had received from Malik Riaz, as had been claimed in the leak. Sana Bucha found herself in the awkward position of hosting a debate on yellow journalism. Said debate was attended by Geo’s finest, so expert opinion on yellow journalism was readily available. Interestingly, the beacons of truthfulness (Najam Sethi please stand up) spent less time discussing how the media is so corrupt and more time complaining about Shaheen Sehbai.

Sehbai’s crime is that he did what the media doesn’t want to do; report. So down with Sehbai, and up with the people who didn’t want to speak of Malik Riaz on TV and used a timid “Sahab” at the end of his name each time they did.

Maybe it is naïve to expect journos to be fair when judging themselves, they are only human. I did though expect some hue and cry about Malik Riaz, about the whole “Bunny’s Call” incident. No sir. Many simply blanked it.

At times I wish instead of Gillani’s son calling, there should have been a call by some Major Shamshad or whatever. I mean an hour of Nusrat Javed screaming, jumping and breaking stuff would have made good TV.

Talat Hussain was one man that seemed to do justice to the issue. I almost fell for his act too, but thank Najam Sethi for revealing that Talat’s actually CIA. One thing irks though. When Talat gave what were obviously false financial details on his show, Sethi didn’t reciprocate. Najam sahib instead chose to lie, in the casual, confident manner that has become a trademark, that his financial details can be accessed under the freedom of information act.

A man of his wisdom and experience definitely knows that said act only applies to government servants and even his tax returns are deemed “private”, not obtainable according to the FOI Act. But maybe I am being harsh. It could be that Najam wasn’t hiding behind red tape; merely confusing being “in the employ of” with being “an employee of”.

Anyway, the honesty brigade on TV couldn’t even get rid of Meher Bokhari, while Mubasher Luqman is rumoured to be negotiating a return. The media machine has already surpassed pre-AnchorGate shamelessness levels, as evidenced by the Young Doctors Association issue.

I hinted in the Observations post that the real money in media comes from the hairy brothers of Lahore. If any evidence be needed just look at the Punjab Gov adverts overtaking Bahria Town adverts during YDA strike. Anchors were just going for the kill; Javed Chaudary – the Lifafa is strong with him – asked a doctor point blank how is it right for him to murder people. Every report by the “Iqbal Jamil camera man Shakeel Ahmed ke sath, Baghwanpura, Lahore” was mocking the “messiahs” and denouncing them as goons or murderers.

Nothing has changed in light of the AnchorGate debacle and yet the trumpeting never stops. Every single media outlet is a sham and every single one of their employees will use the TV, the newspaper and even twitter to proclaim purity of soul and integrity of spirit.

Godspeed o shameless ones.

Ye Jeena Bhi Kesa Jeena Hai

Here is my Nobel prize worthy poem from earlier in the day. It may require you hours, scratch that, days of meditation to understand the complexity and depth in play here.

Ye Jeena Bhi Kesa Jeena Hai
Sawan Ka Maheena Hai Sawan Ka Maheena Hai
Ye Jeena Bhi Kesa Jeena Hai
Mathay Pe Aaya Paseena Hai

Ye Jeena Bhi Kesa Jeena Hai
Tekken Ki Best Player Nina Hai
Sharapova Ko Haradeti Serena Hai

Ye Jeena Bhi Kesa Jeena Hai
Mujh Se Ziada Mashhor Veena Hai
Phasti Nahee Sameena Hai

Ye Jeena Bhi Kesa Jeena Hai
Rishtay Walay Kehte Hain Larka Pheena Hai
Maangu Julia, Milti Sakeena Hai

Ye Jeena Bhi Kesa Jeena Hai
Jaib Khaali, Rehta Aadha Maheena Hai
Yahaan Burkay, Wahaan Katrina Hai

Ye Jeena Bhi Kesa Jeena Hai
Shadeed Shodi Meena Hai
Balthazar Ke Saath Bithaya Ek Kameena Hai (Moment of angry silence.)

Ye Jeena Bhi Kesa Jeena Hai
Khusra Door Se Lagta Haseena Hai

The End

Poetic genius, if I may say so.

AnchorGate Observations

This was so much awesomeness. Malik Riaz – Mubasher Luqman – Mehar Bokhari.

Video 1 & Video 2

For anyone that is yet to see the videos or for the overly cool people who don’t want to see it, here are some things that stood out.

1) Television Anchors are idiots. I mean look at them. They are just IDIOTS.

2) Mubasher Luqman is something else, and not in a good way. He is a perpetually angry, annoying, whining, brat of a man-child. Walking out on the interview? *Insert 8 year old comparison joke here*

3) Luqman’s behaviour deserves another mention. Even when seated, he was a complete ass. He spent his time smoking, texting, being the least bit interested and taunting everyone in range.

4) Malik Riaz: "Aapke miy'an ke saath kab karun " - Mehar Bukhari replies: "Pehle mere saath tou akele ker lein" Malik Riaz: "Karunga na je”. .. Umm..

5) Mehar Bokhari was pretty incredulous in her own right. She kept telling Mubasher Luqman to be professional while re-planning their planted interview. Professional journalism at its best.

6) Mehar Bokhari: “Lagay ga ke planted hai. Jokay ye hai”

7) The jealousy between Luqman and Mehar was awesome, btw.

8) All the money in the world and Malik Riaz can’t eat “roti, chawal or meetha.” - Sucker.

There’s a bunch of non-TV media people on twitter laughing at all this, trying hard to give the impression that they don’t do it. I read your biased articles based on selective history every day, so shut the fuck up.

The fact that media people do planted interviews shouldn’t surprise anyone who has seen a Nawaz Sharif interview. The fact that Malik Riaz throws money around? Duh.

So what exactly came out of AnchorGate were the bits and pieces of information were flying around.

Arsalan is guilty, Arsalan was trapped nonsense aside, this interview should settle the “Who is behind this?” question now.

Although all biased and unbiased sane people should have known once Hussain Haqqani’s Memogate lawyer took up Malik Riaz’s case, Nusrat Javed’s bashing of the Chief Justice a day ago MUST have removed all doubt. Still, ardent jackasses are a norm in Pakistan and I hope they understand what the Prime Minister’s son called Mubashar Luqman for, DURING the show.

A number of people were calling in/texting. Maryam Nawaz wanted Hamza Shahbaz’s name cleared, what with him being a scandal magnet since beating his wife and all. Mehar Bokhari wanted her own name cleared, Luqman wasn’t that fussed about it. Some high up told the anchors that Malik Riaz was not to be interrupted.

If Luqman and Bokhari let slip any clear mention of them having received money from Riaz I didn’t catch it. Mubasher though was pretty clear about Hamid Mir receiving a Villa from Malik Riaz, which the latter never denied.

That’s also an interesting matter. On social media I have noticed how journos regularly chastise Luqman for showing his biases. He doesn’t really hide them and picked a fight with Mehar Bokhari over mentioning Moonis Elahi, the scion of Q-League.

Hamid Mir though is a journalist’s journalist. He might be corrupt and yet he doesn’t over play his hand. Malik Riaz, when asked why Mir had turned against him despite the Villa gifted, didn’t want to elaborate. Mir is too shrewd, he is dishonest even when being dishonest, so you can’t pin him. Riaz notwithstanding, the real money in the media comes from another Lahore based businessman. Mir knows not to angry the brothers and he is set.

The most amazing thing in the leaked video though was the man himself; Malik Riaz. He is exceptionally clever, a genius. Even off air, he would not spill anything he didn’t want to spill. He was calculated in his responses, he was calm and he played the two anchors with such ridiculous ease.

Riaz is a picture of humility isn’t he? That’s his trick. He doesn’t mind that at all, he doesn’t only throw money at you; he makes you feel so important. Everyone, Mehar, Luqman and even Abdul Qadir Gillani were dealt with in such a candid, humble manner; as if they were his family, the closest people to him.

It was telling that although Mir had taken his money and turned on him, that Malik wouldn’t spill the beans on the former even off the air. Even when Mariam Nawaz sent the message, claiming Riaz had offered Hamza a car which was rejected, Riaz didn’t protest. You could see he had something to say about it. The woman in the background, I hear it was his daughter, did say something about it, but the wily old Malik Riaz dismissed her complaints.

He was aware of the cameras.

This is a man who does not burn his bridges and he has burned one with CJ.

P.S. Videos keep popping up with Malik Riaz involved.

Hussain Haqqani and the Courts of Pakistan

When I read the title of Hussain Haqqani’s latest musing on the sorry state of Pakistan, I knew what was coming. This would be “How Pakistan Lets Terrorism Fester” in the New York Times.

The Pakistan People’s Party and its “friends” in the media have become as predictable as target killing in Karachi. Neither look like stopping any time soon too. Correlation, anyone?

Anyway, the standard formula for PPP media management comprises of 3 steps:

1)Identify the audience. In this case, and in most, the United States.
2)Identify what they are most bothered about. Terrorism.
3)Now link it to whoever you are most annoyed with.

Over the last 4 years the formula has worked wonders for the PPP. Screaming that anyone who opposes them is definitely a terrorist sympathizer, the party has managed to curry favour from the US all along. Taliban Khan is by now a well established moniker while PML-N has also earlier been put in its place, remember “Maulvi Nawaz”?

The PPP appointed head of ISI of course became a stout promoter of terrorist outfits during the memo-gate days.

Now, as chief protagonist of PPP-US relations, Mr. Haqqani has noticed that the pesky judges at the Supreme Court are really overstepping their constitutional bounds and clearly have their priorities all wrong.

You see where I am going with this?

According to Hussain Haqqani, the courts are now the major hindrance in eradicating terrorism. The court has a “partisan” agenda, where it is “trying to dislodge the government by insisting on reopening cases of alleged corruption from the 1990s”.

Yes, the court does seem to have it in for this government. After all, the NRO law that closed those cases in the first place was NOT promulgated by a military dictator, nor did the SC show any opposition to it before the elections of 2008. It certainly wasn’t hearing a case against the NRO before Musharraf sent it packing with his second martial law.

So the bias against a democratic government is pretty clear.

Haqqani also tells us that “our courts should be focused on identifying, arresting and prosecuting the individuals who helped” Osama Bin Laden. Because after all, identifying, arresting and prosecuting people is the job of courts, while the PPP has formed a government to pass judgements, in between partying at the beach and trips to the barber shop.

That is not all however. If you were to bear with Mr. Former Ambassador a while longer, he will show you how terrorists in the country are routinely set free “by judges who overtly sympathize with their ideology”.

Now at this juncture I will like to point out that Mr. Haqqani is growing old and his mind is not as sharp as it once was. Memory loss? Perhaps. He has in the recent past misplaced cell phones when most important calls had to be made, never mind simply forgetting BB Pins in awkward situations.

As the man chronically forgets stuff, he wasn’t able to fully expose the wretched judiciary of our fine country. The judiciary is much viler than the fair ambassador has suggested.

What the ambassador, because of his rather frail mind, forgot to mention here was that the judiciary also “overtly sympathizes” with the ideology of target killers in Karachi, of separatists in Balochistan, of smugglers, bureaucrats and of high handed intelligence operatives all over the country. None of whom see many convictions.

In fact, the judiciary even supports the ideology of Asif Ali Zardari, whatever that maybe, as the President hasn’t been convicted in any of the cases against him, at least in this country. The Swiss judiciary, as we all know, is the birth place of terrorism.

Seeing the raw data, some might suggest that the judges don’t actually support someone that they acquit of charges. That in fact they might just not have enough evidence to convict. Some even might go as far as to conclude that the justice system in Pakistan is broken, that massive reforms are needed in the system; laws need to be strengthened and loopholes closed.

Still others might point out to Mr. Haqqani that in the last 4 years the government that he has so ably represented in the United States did not legislate for said purpose, and does not intended to do so in the future. Instead, it has brought a constitutional amendment aimed at controlling the Supreme Court, by changing the process of appointment of the judges.

So, does the PPP consider it more important to control who sits in the apex court rather than to strengthen laws so that terrorists could be better prosecuted?

I could now accuse the PPP of never really wanting to reform the justice system. I could say people like Hussain Haqqani were the last people who would want our problems to be fixed. His kind of people, who change loyalties and ideologies out of convenience, who proudly boast of representing the IJI when there are still cases pending against that movement; would they really want stronger courts?

I would however do no such thing, because Mr. Haqqani is only human, he errs like others and obviously, as I said before, his mind isn’t as sharp as it once was.

His heart though, however ill and keeping him from attending court proceedings, is in the right place. This I realized at the end of his piece, where he passionately ask the Pakistani media to “be more focused on asking why those deemed terrorists internationally are celebrated as heroes at home.”

You see this gives me hope, because I know when Mr. Haqqani’s mental condition stabilizes, he will surely ask his government why those deemed terrorists internationally are celebrated as coalition partners at home?

Let’s all pray the Alzheimer’s wears off soon.